Keeping Humble before God

You know staying Humble before can be tough in the flesh. God wants a soft tender heart to work with. And For years God tore down walls of pain from around my heart to get to that fleshy stage. After many tears and strongholds torn down. I felt it! I rejoiced that God had removed the walls of attitudes around my heart. I felt confident that even when someone hurt me with my new fleshy heart, that GOD is my refuge and He is my Advenger. He would protect me. And somehow, I also thought and believed that If I really worked on being kinder to others and more compassionate and understanding to everyone, that in return they would do so back to me. I mean we are all brothers and sisters in Christ, so shouldn't we LOVE one another as Christ loved us. Well, Most part I was right in believing that, and in believing that if I treat others as I want to be treated so they will return the favor. But I have also learned that there are some people God is still working on as He is on me, and they still HURT others through working out their own pain. So what do I do. I've prayed for them, loved them with a smile and looked the other way. I mean Paul did. He was beaten in prison, layed in horrible conditions and still PRAISE GOD and loved people. I mean He led a prison guard to the Lord! What a testimony. Okay, Im not Paul. Don't claim to be. In fact I even failed the test. Lord forgive me!! I get so tired of being walked on and takin advantage of. I have prayed and ask GOD's help. I dont ever want to offend anyone, so I take it and figure God will work it all out. I know He will. But lately, I am so depleted and tired. My flesh is weak Lord. I dont' want to hurt anymore. I don't want to turn the other cheek. I am tempted to snap back with an unkind word if one is thrown at me. Lord that is not my heart. In fact I find myself wanting to cut myself off from the WORLD completely. Stay in my comfy lil humble home, Worship God alone and not bother anyone. BUT, I know in my deepest part of my heart that is not what GOD has called us to do. You know FEAR is a horrible Trap that keeps You from serving God will all Your Heart and all the potential He has placed in YOU! God revealed my fears to me; there are 3 of them. And I laid them down on the altar Easter Morning along with many others. WELL, Guess What happen? You got it! A test! God didn't waste any time, He sent that test priority express! Then this morning I begin reading as God would lead me to. Funny, how God's Holy Spirit knows what we need before we do. He specifically whispered James 4 after reading it, I was like okay GOD, Help ME Draw Nearer to You. I want to be closer to You to be more and more Like You. Then I heard Romans 2. And Read the begining of the chapter! Whoa!

[ 1You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. 2Now we know that God's judgment against those who do such things is based on truth. 3So when you, a mere man, pass judgment on them and yet do the same things, do you think you will escape God's judgment? 4Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness, tolerance and patience, not realizing that God's kindness leads you toward repentance? ]

My God, in my pain that yes was aflicted upon me from someone else, because I am whining about how badly they treated me, I am passing judgement on them and tempted to seek symphathy for my wounds! Again,God is my Advenger. So I tell myself "Angel Shut up, and keep pressing on in Faith working on what God has called you to do and pray for those who come against you." Then I go to read ....

[5But because of your stubbornness and your unrepentant heart, you are storing up wrath against yourself for the day of God's wrath, when his righteous judgment will be revealed. 6God "will give to each person according to what he has done."[a] 7To those who by persistence in doing good seek glory, honor and immortality, he will give eternal life. 8But for those who are self-seeking and who reject the truth and follow evil, there will be wrath and anger. 9There will be trouble and distress for every human being who does evil: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile; 10but glory, honor and peace for everyone who does good: first for the Jew, then for the Gentile. 11For God does not show favoritism.]

See its a two way street! Because I allowed myself to get angry because of pain inflicted upon me by another, I am no better than the one who projected the pain. If I am focusing on What They Did To Me and then complaining about it, well then I am not Focusing on Jesus Christ and His Righteousness. Talk about Humbling! Even if I don't respond in a negative way toward the person Who hurt me, if I am harboring anger and disgust in my heart or even self pity, I am focusing on ME, ME, ME and not Christ!! He is the Center of My World. The pain and the fear of experiencing pain, I have allowed myself to dwell in has kept ME from Serving Christ with The Zeal and passion I once had. Therefore, I have sinned.

Lord Forgive me. I come before You Lord, I lay down my broken heart, I lay down the wall of attitudes that I have once again put up around my heart to protect me from pain, and in doing so I have shut You out from doing a complete Work in me. Father Forgive me, Lord, I draw near to you today, I seek Your FACE and Your Heart. Fill my heart with Your Joy, Love and compassion. Give me strength today as I remind myself My identity is in YOU Lord. My confidence is in You. You are my Strength, my confidence and Peace. convict my heart today if I am about to sin against You in my fear or worry. Help me feel for those who hurt others and to pray for them as You yourself prayed for us. Help me to keep close in mind I am to only worry about what is on my table before You, just as others have to worry whats on their Table before You Lord. I love You Jesus and I want to serve You with a Happy Zealous Heart. In Jesus Name Amen.